Chances are there are things you desire, but you just don’t have yet.
It’s human nature to desire all sorts of things. However, many people live an entire lifetime without getting the things that matter the most to them. They want change, but the truth is that change isn’t always easy.
In fact, the majority of people who set goals, such as weight loss or stopping smoking, do not reach their goals. Most New Year’s resolutions are not carried through more than one or two months. Many people who find themselves in bad relationship after bad relationship never take the time to dig deep and commit to the tough stuff in between relationships – like healing.
Just what is it that keeps us from changing? How can we want something “so badly”, yet year after year we don’t attain it?
There are many reasons depending on various factors.
Change IS hard, but it’s not impossible.
Today, I want to share three things with you concerning change and how you can plow past any mountains that have been holding you back.
1. Commit To Doing The Tough Stuff
I’m sure you know plenty of people who don’t like to work. The reality is that work can be tough, especially hard labor. However, some changes in life require work. It might be mental work, emotional work, or physical work – either way, it requires some energy.
There’s a popular theme out there that says, “If you can believe it, you can receive it.” While I agree that belief is important, sometimes our desires don’t just fall from the sky because we believe it.
Sometimes we’ve got to “do the work” in order to get results. In other words, belief without some sort of action will more than likely leave you short of accomplishing your goals.
So, what distinguishes those that make lasting transformational changes over those that don’t? The one who successfully gets over their fear of rejection over the one who lives as a recluse year after year out of fear? The angry person over the one who has taken anger and transformed it into compassion?
Various things separate them, but a solid commitment to “doing the work” is a big reason why some lack when it comes to change.
MANTRA OPPORTUNITY: I make a solid commitment to do the work, no matter how hard it looks or how long it takes!
2. Learn About Human Behavior
We are humans traveling along life’s journey, but so many do not take the time to learn about human behavior. They walk around half-conscious, programmed by what they learned as children or imprisoned by early childhood wounds.
What drives us as human beings?
Two primary things motivate people:
- Avoiding pain
- Feeling pleasure
We want to feel good, right? We desire peace and joy, and we do our best to avoid pain. I mean, isn’t that why we do pretty much all of the things we do?
This has been my observation. We are bumping along in life and we start to feel pain. It doesn’t feel good.
So, we say, “Hey, I don’t want to feel this pain anymore so I’m going to do this, this, and that.”
But what happens to MANY humans (human behavior), is that at some point, they STOP.
- They stop eating healthy and working out (the pain of extra weight).
- They stop going to therapy (emotional pain).
- They stop personal growth investment (the pain of not feeling good enough)
They lose motivation. They lose drive, get frustrated, and eventually give up. As a result, they don’t experience LASTING CHANGE.
I’m sure many of us can relate.
3. Turn Your “Shoulds” Into “Musts”
Listen, change is about motivation. Motivational speaker and teacher Tony Robbins says it’s about turning those shoulds into musts. If you maybe, kinda, sort-of need to change, you probably won’t.
But if you HAVE TO or MUST change, you’re much more likely to see it happen. You’re then fully committed and regardless of what comes your way, you’re changing.
Now, as we go about this life journey trying to sidestep pain and make lasting changes, we must also couple that with the pleasure principle.
We want to feel happy. See, pain motivates us, but it’s kind of a temporary motivation.
We need something more to create LASTING change. Something like happiness or pleasure.
You’ve been doing this since you were wee little. When you were little, you picked up some strategies for life. They weren’t always the best. So, in order to create lasting change, it’s important to cultivate a new set of patterns to get out of pain and feel some pleasure.
What pain are you feeling?
Target that and use it as a motivator for change. But don’t just stop there. Cultivate a connection between pleasure to the new set of strategies so that the change can be lasting.
This means you’re leveraging what motivates you to commit to making lasting change.
For example, if you’re sick and tired of being broke, you feel that pain. So, use that pain as a motivator for change and get yourself a new set of strategies so you CAN make the changes necessary to experience a different outcome. So, you can have LASTING changes.
You don’t have to be brilliant to change, but you do have to be motivated.
What Is Your Motive For Change?
If you really want to change, or if you want to help someone else change, you’ve got to help them understand that the pain they are feeling may be because they are not doing the work they need to be doing in order to feel some sort of pleasure or joy.
What is your motive for change? When it comes to your pain, ask yourself?
What am I getting from this pain? What is it costing me? Is it hurting those that I love? How has this hurt me in the past?
Then, see how your pain (or actions) are not in consistency with what you want. For example, if you’re drinking too much, ask yourself how this affects your family. Ask yourself if an exceptional leader would get up with hangovers and head into work to lead people? Associate your behavior or pain with contrast.
Now, what would bring you pleasure? If you made some changes, would you feel happier? Will it help your loved ones? Will your life be richer?
The reality is that change can be tough, and it takes time. However, if you will commit to doing the work (the tough stuff), and be persistent (grit), you will make progress.
If you need help, ask around. There are plenty of people that are willing to help.
Finally, remember that we’re after progress; not perfection. As a human, we tend to like progress, but don’t expect perfection or you’ll set yourself up for more pain.
Wishing for you to continue to create a life you love, because that’s what you deserve.
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